Baby Bradshaw – Week 18

I felt so sick over the weekend I thought I might die – but then I didn’t. 

Today is our ultrasound/anatomy scan and I’m incredibly nervous. I don’t know why, but this whole pregnancy I’ve been sure something would go wrong. First of all I never thought I’d be able to get pregnant (based on a meeting with my previous OB) and then I was sure I’d never make it through the first trimester. 

And now I’m nervous that we’ll find out something is wrong with the baby at the anatomy scan. I’ll admit that this is probably aggravated by the massive amounts of Grey’s Anatomy I’ve been watching lately. 

This was 30.

This year I…

Bought a house. Dressed up as a jellyfish for Halloween. Came down with pneumonia. Wore pajamas that matched my dog’s. Went to San Francisco. A lot. Reconnected with a cherished friend. Adopted a second dog. Renovated our master bedroom. Painted a lot of furniture. Visited Portland. Sister-ed hard. Changed jobs. Ate really delicious food. Watched too much Netflix. Crocheted a blanket. Got pregnant. Celebrated weddings, birthdays and births. Realized age is just a number. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 17

Every Friday I open up a new draft for the upcoming week and write about how I’m feeling. I’ll publish every Thursday (since my pregnancy weeks change on Fridays) as a record of my pregnancy.


Early morning on Saturday I’m pretty sure I felt the baby move. It was dark and quiet, and I felt a little flutter. I’ve been trying ever since to feel it again, but no luck. However, it should be in the next couple weeks that I feel movement regularly. 

And, I have a bump. In most of my clothes it’s still not noticeable, but it’s there. I can wear my regular jeans unbuttoned still, but they are beginning to feel uncomfortable. The search for maternity pants continues since the ones I ordered online from Gap aren’t quite right. I did find a pair of cropped pants from H&M that fit me like regular length, and I’m excited to wear those once my belly is big enough to hold them up. 

Overall, this week went quickly. Our anatomy scan is on Monday and I thought the week would drag waiting for it but now it’s just a few days away. I’m nervous and excited…if something is wrong with the baby we’ll find out through this ultrasound. I have no reason to believe that there will be anything wrong, but it’s hard to dismiss the anxiety.

I was thinking a lot this week about what how I thought I’d be when I was pregnant vs. how I am so far. I thought I’d be much more relaxed and maybe have an occasional glass of wine, but now that I’m pregnant I can’t imagine taking that risk. It is a strange feeling knowing that your body isn’t totally your own. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 16

Every Friday I open up a new draft for the upcoming week and write about how I’m feeling. I’ll publish every Thursday (since my pregnancy weeks change on Fridays) as a record of my pregnancy.


I’ve started to show. I doubt anyone but me and a few close friends notice, but to me it feels obvious.

 

We tried to find maternity pants this weekend, which was a total disaster. It’s hard enough to find pants when you’re five feet tall, but when you’re five feet tall and pregnant…forget it. I ended up ordering some pants from GAP so we’ll see how they work out. Right now I’m still in my normal pants, either buttoned or using the belly band. 

Every time we have a baby appointment I’m anxious all day. I’m not sure why, nothing significant happens at these other than hearing the heartbeat. And I can do that on my own since we bought the little speaker off Amazon (this is the one we have).

I was looking at baby name charts and two of our favorites for a boy and girl are super popular right now. We could still use them, but I don’t want our kid to be William B (for example) his whole life to distinguish him from the 4 other Williams in his class. It’ll be nice to know what we’re having so we can start getting ready, but I’m also really nervous about the anatomy scan. 

This week I feel so much better, which is great. I have more energy, I’m not nauseous, and my cold is completely gone. I’m able to make dinner without feeling grossed out by the food, and we went out every night this past weekend. Second trimester really is the best. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 15

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


I have a cold. It sucks, and I’m miserable, and the last week has seemed sort of impossible. Especially realizing that I still have 25 weeks left. I’m not even halfway! 

I often wish I was one of those earth mother, glowing skin, ‘isn’t pregnancy such a miracle’ types but the reality is…I’m not. I do realize how lucky I am to be pregnant, and to be healthy. But I still can’t wait until this is all over and we have the baby and I don’t have to feel off all the time. 

Right now I’m just feeling sorry for myself because this cold is kicking my butt. I am excited for the baby. Nervous, too, but mostly excited. And starting to realize just how drastically my life will shift. I’m also incredibly scared about the lack of sleep when the baby gets here. And breastfeeding.

Speaking of breasts. None of my clothes fit and it’s not because of a baby bump. All v-necks are out of the question, and my button downs don’t button up top anymore. But I’m sort of unwilling to buy new clothes yet. I did get one new button down from the Jcrew outlet, but I can only wear that so often. 

It feels like all I do lately is complain. And watch Netflix. Yesterday I actually got a ton of laundry done, emptied the dishwasher, and made dinner for the first time in ages. It’s hard feeling like I am not contributing, but it’s also hard to force myself to do anything when I feel crappy. 

 

 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 14

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


Second trimester! 

It’s kind of wonderful that my new pregnancy weeks start on Fridays because it’s already such a great day to look forward to. Today I hit 14 weeks and I’m officially in the second trimester. I also woke up feeling awesome, probably because I had the first great night of sleep in a while.

Why? Because I slept in the guest room. I’ve been having trouble sleeping well with the dogs in the room (and often in the bed) so I abandoned Chris and the pups and camped out in the guest room. It was amazing. 

I fell on Saturday. Just down our little staircase, but I hit the back of my head pretty hard. We went to instacare and they sent us to the ER b/c they don’t have a way to check on the baby. But once we got to the ER, they told us that at 14 weeks they don’t check on the baby because there’s nothing they could do even if something was wrong. We’d just have to wait and see.

It was like a punch to the gut. 

I realized that even though the baby (now the size of a lemon) feels very real and significant to Chris and I, to the doctors in the hospital it’s not viable and that’s all they see. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 13

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


At our last appointment, which was technically the last day of my 12th week, we were able to hear the heartbeat again via doppler. The doctor prepared us that it might take a couple minutes to find it, but almost the moment she put it down on me we heard it loud and clear. She said our baby was very cooperative (which is hilarious because Chris and I are the most cooperative people I know). Heartbeat was around 150. 

We announced it on Facebook that same day, and it is such a relief for it to be public knowledge. I was hesitant to do the announcement, but when I realized how strange and awkward it was to tell people individually I changed my mind. Even though we loved sharing the news individually with close friends and family, telling coworkers was weird, and almost felt self-centered. Putting it up on FB meant it was just out there and public and somehow felt less attention seeking. 

If we wanted, we could go to Fetal Fotos or some place like that and find out the sex in a couple weeks, but I haven’t had the urge yet. Our anatomy scan will be end of October/early November so I guess I’ll just see if I can wait until then. I am more concerned about the health of the baby than the sex, but it would be fun to know.

I’ve gotten a little more adventurous with my eating, but there are some days where I still feel terrible and default to easy mac and goldfish. Meat is still gross, as are cooked vegetables. Evenings/nights have actually been much harder than mornings lately. 

Emotions run high most of the time, and I spend a lot of my day on the verge of tears (both happy and sad), vulnerable to a favorite song or a fleeting happy memory. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 12

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles! (That’s a Fiddler on the Roof reference, FYI) I’m not sick all the time anymore. Fingers crossed.

I actually felt so good for a few days that I got nervous something was wrong and called the doctor. Luckily my ob’s office is wonderful and reassured me that this was not a silly question to call with. Apparently there are plenty of other over-anxious moms-to-be out there. Phew.

I stopped taking my magic unisom/b6 combination as regularly this week as well. I rarely take it at night, and am only taking it on weekday mornings as a safety net in case I start feeling awful. 

My appetite continues to be strange. One minute I couldn’t imagine eating and the next I’m starving and nauseous. I’ve gotten religious about eating something small every two hours no matter what and that has helped. 

Most of the time I’m able to ignore anxiety about losing the baby or something going wrong, but there are times when it hits me like a tons of bricks. And then I sort of spin out worrying that the baby will have a terrible stomach like I do, or bad vision and allergies like Chris, or end up as a very short man because I’m so short. 

I still don’t really eat meat. I’ve had a couple burgers but other than that I can’t stomach it. I think I’m getting to a place where I can cook more food at home and start making dinner and bringing leftovers for lunch. Which will be amazing because it’s getting really pricey eating lunch out every day. 

Three days in a row I’ve eaten cottage cheese with a diced peach for breakfast. Morning snack is typically a yogurt, and in the afternoon I have an apple or peach and a string cheese. Goldfish munched throughout the day when I just need carbs to feel better. 

I’ve only put on three pounds but it feels and looks like more. I’m ready to just have a bump already so I don’t feel like I just look fat. All of my clothes are becoming uncomfortable but I also don’t want to buy anything new yet. 

Baby Bradshaw – Week 11

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


Nausea…still a thing. 

So is falling asleep at 9/9:30 every night. 

This past weekend coffee came back into my life (sort of) and I had a cappuccino at our anniversary dinner. I also had something called a chocolate cappuccino from the enormous machine at work, but I think it was mostly hot chocolate. 

Chris discovered that ice cream always makes me feel better, I think because it’s so many calories in a just a few bites. My main struggle is eating. The only way to keep nausea away is to not get hungry, but I can’t eat much at a time. So I have to almost constantly eat small amounts of food. But when I’m eating 5 goldfish or 2 saltines at a time, it’s still not enough calories to be ‘full’. Hence, the ice cream. 

I cooked for the first time in what feels like forever! It was The Pioneer Woman’s Perfect Potato Soup (minus the bacon b/c we didn’t have any) and it was awesome. It actually smelled good to me while it was cooking and I even brought it for lunch today as well. Woohoo! This feels like a huge victory because we’ve been spending a lot of money on whatever food happens to sound good in the moment. Or I would buy food at the store having the best intentions of making it and then it would go bad while I ate easy mac for every meal. Live and learn.

This past weekend we told the nieces and nephews, with mixed responses. Madee was super excited, but the rest of the kids weren’t that interested.

I still struggle to feel excited sometimes, but I’m hoping that in a few weeks I’ll start feeling better physically and will be able to focus on the baby instead of on nausea. 

Foods that are amazing:

1. easy mac

2. sour candy

3. coffee ice cream

4. white rice

5. pickles

Aversions:

1. meat (apart from an occasional burger)

2. tomatoes

3. cooked vegetables

Baby Bradshaw – Week 10

The week I found out I was pregnant I started keeping a note going through the week on how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. Now that I’m past the first trimester I’m archiving the notes here so I can look back and remember. 


This week has been pretty ho-hum thus far. Today is the first day in a long time I haven’t worn my sea-bands all day. I’ve felt OK, but not amazing. I can’t wait to be out of the first trimester already! I just want to be able to tell people we’re pregnant. 

I’m also surprisingly excited to start showing. I think it’s because it’s a real, outward sign that I’m pregnant. I know it’s silly but even though I feel sick sometimes I get nervous that I’m not pregnant anymore. Often it feels so unreal that I just don’t believe it’s happening to us. 

Now that we’re 1/4 of the way through the pregnancy, it is hitting me that this is going to be a long haul. I keep looking to the end of the first trimester because I don’t want to feel sick anymore, but there are a whole host of other issues I’ll be dealing with for the six months after that. 

A new symptom this week is back pain. Sleeping is a joke. By 4 or 5 in the morning my lower back hurts so badly I wake up from it, and then toss and turn until Chris gets up for work. I bought a pregnancy pillow that I’m hoping will help, but it’s hard to manage that under the covers and with another person and often two dogs in the bed. I’m honestly considering sleeping in the guest room to see if it’s any better. 

I think so often that I would be lost in this pregnancy without Chris. He handles everything in the house these days, including most of the cooking (which is really just heating food at this point). He never complains, either, and always offers to rub my back and asks how I’m feeling. I love him.

Eating is kind of a joke lately. Lots of carbs, and some random cravings (apple pie, tater tots). I continue to eat Jimmy John’s pickles and veggie sandwiches regularly.