Recently I mentioned to a friend that I was feeling emotional over the weekend, to which she asked ‘why?’ Which is a perfectly reasonable question, unless the person you’re asking is pregnant because the answer is ‘Because everything.’
Luckily this is a friend that I can be totally open with, but most of the time when people ask how I’m doing the default response is ‘Great! Just tired.’
The reality is, no one really wants to know that I can’t sleep because I wake up in pain no matter what position I’m in. And that lack of sleep makes me feel raw and unable to cope with the smallest of hiccups in my day. Then I realize that in 4.5 months I really won’t be sleeping at all and I’m terrified of not sleeping and not knowing how to comfort my baby and what if I can’t breastfeed and what if the dogs hate the baby and what if I can’t bear to leave it and go back to work?
That verbal mess is the reason I go with ‘Great! Just tired.’ In my limited experience as a pregnant women, other people just want to hear how happy you are to be growing a person. I actually had an acquaintance complain to me about her pregnant friend who complains to her. “She did this to herself!” she told me.
I just nodded and said ‘Pregnancy is hard, try to cut her some slack.’ But really I was thinking about things this friend complains about that she probably brought on herself. Even though that friend chose to become pregnant, and even though it will be worth it when her baby is here, it doesn’t mean that pregnancy isn’t incredibly challenging, and just like any other challenge we go through in life, sometimes we want to vent a little and have a friend sympathize. The argument isn’t worth it.
So, week 21 has just been emotional. Hopefully things lift soon.